Friday, August 8, 2014

As I Wait:

I am feeling so many emotions and experiencing a ton of anxiety. Our family  is about to go through a major life change. We are going to have another little human to protect, care for, keep safe, worry about, and watch over for the rest of our lives. 
 Am I ready?

I am scared. I am scared for Labor & Delivery and making sure I bring our baby boy into this world perfect and healthy with no complications. L&D was pretty rough with Charli due to my Crohn's Disease and I was extremely sick during the whole thing. My Doctor was more concerned about me than Charli, and I had a team of nurses taking care of me. Thankfully Charli was safe, healthy, and perfect. I would much rather me be in pain and deal with everything if it means my babies are safe. So as scared as I am about going through all of the pain and sickness again, if it means baby boy will be healthy and perfect, bring it on.

I am nervous. I'm not gonna lie, I am extremely nervous about being a Mommy of two. I know there is going to be a lot of changes coming our way, a lot of frustration, and a lot of sleepless nights. I am nervous about Charli's reaction to the baby. I am nervous about all things postpartum and my recovery time (it was pretty bad after Charli). I am also nervous about those first couple of weeks of breastfeeding... Oh the pain.

I am excited. I am so excited that our family is growing! Being a mother is what I have always wanted and I feel so blessed that God has seen me fit to do so! I am so excited to have that little newborn nestled in my arms again, and to sniff that sweet smelling head! I am so excited to finally meet our little guy, to see his sweet face and what he looks like, and to finally be able to hold him and kiss him. I am excited to watch Charli and her brother build a relationship and to watch her grow into the magnificent big sister I know she will be! I am excited to experience all things boy! 

I am happy. My heart is truly happy right now as I think about welcoming a little boy into this world. After marrying Steven, I never thought I would love another man... But I will, and he and Steven will be the last two men I ever love! I am so happy that I have made it this far and everything is looking good for baby boy's arrival! I am also incredibly happy that I have the most wonderful and amazing husband by my side through all of this. I truly couldn't do it without him!

I am sad. I am sad that these are the final days as Charli being an only child. After having her, I never thought I could love another little one as much as I love her. I am sad just thinking about Charli no longer getting Mommy's full and undivided attention day in and day out. I am sad thinking about her feelings and if she thinks she is being replaced, or that we don't love her as much. I am also sad that our sweet baby girl will be starting a real Pre-School in a few weeks (more on that later), but it has been tearing at my heart strings to think she is really growing up!

So, am I ready for this new adventure? 

I don't know if you can ever truly be ready for this kind of task but I know we will give it everything we have!


  1. I can totally relate to the sadness and fears you expressed about having two. But I assure you, your fears just mean you're a caring and thoughtful mama. Yes, you will have rough days, but the joy outweighs it all. And pretty soon juggling multiple kids will become second nature. Also, I thought my labor and delivery went much smoother the second time around. Though I don't know much about your disease, I do know I was much less stressed and it made a world of difference. Best wishes to you and baby boy!

  2. You are going to do great girl! You have the right outlook and I think we would all be worried about you if you weren't worried.

  3. Yep.. that whole you can't ever truly be ready is so so true. You've got this though mama.