Friday, August 8, 2014

As I Wait:


I am feeling so many emotions and experiencing a ton of anxiety. Our family  is about to go through a major life change. We are going to have another little human to protect, care for, keep safe, worry about, and watch over for the rest of our lives. 
 Am I ready?

I am scared. I am scared for Labor & Delivery and making sure I bring our baby boy into this world perfect and healthy with no complications. L&D was pretty rough with Charli due to my Crohn's Disease and I was extremely sick during the whole thing. My Doctor was more concerned about me than Charli, and I had a team of nurses taking care of me. Thankfully Charli was safe, healthy, and perfect. I would much rather me be in pain and deal with everything if it means my babies are safe. So as scared as I am about going through all of the pain and sickness again, if it means baby boy will be healthy and perfect, bring it on.

I am nervous. I'm not gonna lie, I am extremely nervous about being a Mommy of two. I know there is going to be a lot of changes coming our way, a lot of frustration, and a lot of sleepless nights. I am nervous about Charli's reaction to the baby. I am nervous about all things postpartum and my recovery time (it was pretty bad after Charli). I am also nervous about those first couple of weeks of breastfeeding... Oh the pain.

I am excited. I am so excited that our family is growing! Being a mother is what I have always wanted and I feel so blessed that God has seen me fit to do so! I am so excited to have that little newborn nestled in my arms again, and to sniff that sweet smelling head! I am so excited to finally meet our little guy, to see his sweet face and what he looks like, and to finally be able to hold him and kiss him. I am excited to watch Charli and her brother build a relationship and to watch her grow into the magnificent big sister I know she will be! I am excited to experience all things boy! 

I am happy. My heart is truly happy right now as I think about welcoming a little boy into this world. After marrying Steven, I never thought I would love another man... But I will, and he and Steven will be the last two men I ever love! I am so happy that I have made it this far and everything is looking good for baby boy's arrival! I am also incredibly happy that I have the most wonderful and amazing husband by my side through all of this. I truly couldn't do it without him!

I am sad. I am sad that these are the final days as Charli being an only child. After having her, I never thought I could love another little one as much as I love her. I am sad just thinking about Charli no longer getting Mommy's full and undivided attention day in and day out. I am sad thinking about her feelings and if she thinks she is being replaced, or that we don't love her as much. I am also sad that our sweet baby girl will be starting a real Pre-School in a few weeks (more on that later), but it has been tearing at my heart strings to think she is really growing up!


So, am I ready for this new adventure? 

I don't know if you can ever truly be ready for this kind of task but I know we will give it everything we have!

3 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to the sadness and fears you expressed about having two. But I assure you, your fears just mean you're a caring and thoughtful mama. Yes, you will have rough days, but the joy outweighs it all. And pretty soon juggling multiple kids will become second nature. Also, I thought my labor and delivery went much smoother the second time around. Though I don't know much about your disease, I do know I was much less stressed and it made a world of difference. Best wishes to you and baby boy!

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  2. You are going to do great girl! You have the right outlook and I think we would all be worried about you if you weren't worried.

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  3. Yep.. that whole you can't ever truly be ready is so so true. You've got this though mama.

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